"Billy where is your homework?"
"im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”
Also got a Team Nice Dynamite message with them being dorks. Like always.
farmers using snapchat is such a fucking concept to me
Edgar is the one in the hole
— Romeo, probably
"What could go wrong?"
-Friar Lawrence, probably
"What’s a vine? Do I have to climb it? Fuck that shit."
"Fuck you, Romeo,"
the year is 2120. all of the achievement hunters and their fans have slowly died off. the last of the fans lays their weary body down to the ground of a for the last time. as darkness takes over their vision they see one last floating sparkle of hope in the dark cloudy sky. it’s ryan, he’s still in the air.
Lindsay & Michael Jones ♡
ok so i think i finally found a category where tumblr is better than pinterest and that’s food
on pinterest if you search recipes they’re like “try a skinny mom pop! put 3 strawberries on a stick and add a little drizzle of white chocolate! way tasty and way healthier than most dessert options out there!”
tumblr food tag is like “put 15 snickers bars in a bigger fucking snickers bar you beautiful disaster”
I want a movie about a guy who runs for president and wins but then suddenly realizes that he doesn’t want to be president, so he just starts doing ridiculous things all the time trying to get impeached, but it NEVER WORKS because they always miraculously end up being the right thing to do. Like, he declares war on Canada? Next day it turns out that Canada had secret plans to nuke Washington. he bans Doritos? Turns out theyr’e the number one cause of cancer and natural disasters. He sends his vice president to jail? Turns out the VP was a terrorist in disguise. He has 100% approval rating, most popular president ever.
I’ve decided that I want him to be played by Jeff Goldblum.
I wish boobs did the bra thing without having to wear the bra
Sylveon || ニンフィア, the Intertwining Pokémon and an evolved form of Eevee. Sylveon affectionately wraps its ribbon-like feelers around its trainer’s arms as they walk together.